just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
