Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
