ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
