Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
