You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
