i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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