I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
