Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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