im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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