Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
