You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
