New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
