They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
