she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
smell my finger.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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