Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
