I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
