At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
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somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I won't apologize to a one balled man
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
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I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
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