you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
