Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
