either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
