ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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