Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
