We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
