Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
