I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i out mim tonsoeep
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