When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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