The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
