You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy