mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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