Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind