It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.