im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
