I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.