My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
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he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
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He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.