Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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