you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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