ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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