So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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