he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We're too hungover to prance.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
