I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
