I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
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