SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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