I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
