I will die if light touches me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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