you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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