why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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