Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
