wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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