My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
