Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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