Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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