So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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