I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
