you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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