glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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