I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
the gays at disneyland are vicious
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
