i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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