So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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