Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
