I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
