question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
