somebody snuck up and got me drunk
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
