Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
