Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
