I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
