My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
