new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
