got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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