WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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