we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
