omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
