I'm really into asian looking animals
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Dicks are not precious.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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