I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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