8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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