the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
